Dear McKoy: My Mother is Angry Because She Caught Me Using a Sex Toy

Dear McKoy: I am 18 years old and I live with both parents, my two brothers, and my little sister. My parents think I’m a virgin, but recently, my mother found out I had a dildo and almost went crazy. Even though I have never been with a man, I masturbate in my own room very often. My room is open to everyone because family members come in and out as they please.

Since it was basically midnight and I thought everyone was asleep, I decided it was a good time to explore myself. Just when I was deep into it, with my legs spread wide apart, she walked into the room and looked horrified. Either she knew I was doing something and heard it because their room is close to mine, or she genuinely came looking for something.

She got really angry and started cursing me and saying I was nasty. Everyone woke up that night because she was shouting. I was so embarrassed. When she finally left the room I cried myself to sleep. She makes me feel disgusted with wanting to explore my sexuality and things that make me feel good. She needs to know I’m not underage and it’s none of her business if I want to use a dildo on myself. I need some advice.

M. B.

Dear M.B: I understand your frustration and it’s normal to feel embarrassed about the incident. However, while you are of legal age, you are still living under your parents’ roof and will ultimately have to abide by their rules. Therefore there are ways you have to conduct yourself as it seems fit. The fact that you have not yet had sex with a man says a lot about you, but it is natural for you to have sexual urges, after all, you are human. I would suggest that you continue to satisfy your needs but be more discrete. Ensure that you are alone during these intimate moments.

Your mother is probably worried about you losing your virginity, but in my opinion, losing one’s virginity is making love, the first penetration through another human being, or for males their first time penetrating. I think she should be thankful that you chose to please yourself and not opt to open yourself to men who are sometimes up to no good. 

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