Dear McKoy: I Think My Boyfriend is Still a Womanizer

Dear McKoy: I Think My Boyfriend is Still a Womanizer – I’m 22 my boyfriend is 30 and we have been dating for over one year. We love each other a lot and have a pretty good balance in our relationship. But something has been bothering me for a while. Before we met my boyfriend was a known “player”. When we got together and fell in love, he said he changed. But for some reason, I just can’t put my trust in him. My mind says he hasn’t really changed, but my heart thinks he has. The truth is that he still has a lot of female friends, especially at work. He talks to them on whatsapp, and they also hang out together often. This makes me feel really uncomfortable. I talk to him about it and he is adamant that they are just his friends. He also gets very angry when I mention it to him. To top it off he puts a password on his phone and refuses to let me go anywhere close to it. Why does he need to do that if he loves and trusts me? How do I stop thinking that my boyfriend is cheating on me and that he is no longer a womanizer?


A. Brown


Dear A. Brown: Every relationship has insecurities, and its success or failure depends on how the partner handles them. At any moment in a relationship, doubts about your partner’s faithfulness are a common source of distress. Acknowledging the sadness caused by them and letting your boyfriend know about your concerns will facilitate a good two-way conversation and clear the air. Set clear and well-defined boundaries about each other’s behavior, but make it a mutual agreement.

You are the best judge of the honesty of your partner’s efforts to make your relationship work. Trust is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship, and it’s usually a personal choice. Also, unfounded suspicion and lack of open communication are weak spots. 

Respect individual boundaries and if a particular behavior concerns you, try to make your boyfriend aware of the reasons in a non-confrontational manner. This may lead to him recognizing the apprehension and finding an appropriate solution.

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