Confession: I Think I Am Reaping The Sins Of My Mother

I grew up in a household in the deep rural countryside.  I lived with my mother, father and 3 sisters.

At an early age, my mom used to carry us to this man who would give us different baths and lotions to rub on our bodies.  When I was going to all age school, anybody troubled any of us, we would go visit the man and they would stop.

As the years passed by, it was like the norm to visit this man for everything.  My mom told us he was a family friend, but knowledge led me to know that he was an obeah man.  I would go to church and learn about the Bible and know the practices were evil doings.  Whenever my mom would want to take us for our yearly visits, I would come up with all sorts of excuses not to go.

When I was 19 years old, I overheard a conversation where she spoke to someone about her riding a monkey to get a wealthy man.  The graphic details she provided of how she allowed a monkey to have sex with her was heart crushing.  She said she then had a feast where she slaughtered a goat head for the celebration.  That was my breaking point; I had to get away from that woman as she was an evil person.  I applied for a job in Kingston and never went back to that house.  I only spoke with her on the telephone.

I have to wonder if she did something to me as I cannot maintain a relationship; no matter how nice the lady is, the relationship cannot last.  I am also very abusive (verbally, physically, emotionally) towards women  and it is something I cannot control.

I now live in California as I tried to get very far away from Jamaica; however, it seems her curse is following me.  I am very lonely and desire companionship, but I just cannot keep a relationship.  Women are always wanting to be in relationships with me, but it always starts out good then seems that monkey spirit chips in.