Dear McKoy: My Girlfriend is Too Kinky

Dear McKoy: I’m in a bit of a pickle and could really use some advice. I’ve been with my girlfriend for eight months now, and things are getting complicated. On the surface, she’s sweet and charming, but there’s a whole other side to her that I didn’t see coming.

We met at a club, and our first date took a surprising turn. She didn’t hesitate to get intimate, which caught me off guard. At first, I thought she was just really into me, but it turns out she’s extremely interested in sex, especially the kinky stuff.

Our sex life started off exciting, but it quickly went in a direction I wasn’t prepared for. She wants me to call her dirty names, spit on her, squeeze her throat, slap and hit her.  Her desires makes me feel uncomfortable. Despite trying to please her, it just doesn’t feel right.

I can’t talk to anyone about this because it’s too embarrassing. She had a tough upbringing, but she says it’s got nothing to do with her desires. But her desires are just too much for me to handle.

As much as she wants a normal future, I’m not sure I can give that to her. Our different needs and her troubled past make it hard to see a future together. It’s tough because I think she wants more too, but right now, it feels like we’re heading in different directions.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

E. W. –  St Ann

Dear E.W: It seems like you’re dealing with a really tough situation in your relationship. Your well-being should be your top priority, so if you’re feeling uncomfortable or pressured to do things that don’t sit right with you, it’s crucial to talk to your partner about it.

Being honest and open with each other is key. Have a sincere conversation with your girlfriend about how you’re feeling and what your boundaries are. Make sure to express your concerns in a gentle and respectful way, letting her know that you care about her but certain aspects of your intimacy make you uneasy.

Understanding the reasons behind your girlfriend’s desires could also be helpful. Her difficult upbringing might have influenced her preferences, and exploring this together might lead to a deeper connection between you.

If despite your efforts to communicate and compromise, your discomfort persists, it might be worth reevaluating the compatibility of your relationship. Remember, your emotional well-being is important.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to someone you trust, like a friend, family member, or therapist, for support and guidance during this time.

Best Wishes – McKoy