Confession: ‘My Father is My Baby Daddy; My Son is My Brother’

Warning to all Mothers to Pay Attention to their Daughters

This is my first time openly talking about my dilemma.  I have not fully gotten over it, but I am slowly getting there.  How does one get over incestual abuse? How does a mom tell her son that she is not only his mother but also his sister?

As a child, I grew up in a wealthy family where my father was mainly the breadwinner.  In my little eyes, we had everything we could have possibly needed.  My two sisters and I went to Preparatory schools and good high schools; I was the eldest.  My family was highly respected due to their wealth and fame.

Growing up, I was a little on the perky side; I started puberty at an early age.  At around the age of 10, I realized that my father would give me more attention than my other sisters, but I thought he just loved me very much.  He would buy me little gifts like jewelry and clothes which I adored him for.  I would always jump up on him and rain kisses all over his face to show my appreciation and he would always say “that’s a good daddy’s girl”.  He would always tell me to hide them from my mother and siblings because they may get jealous and steal them.  I loved my father so anything he told me was always gospel so I hid all my gifts and would steal glances of them when I was alone.

We lived in a very big house where we had our own bedrooms.  My mother would tell us bedtime bible stories, then tuck each of us in at nights.  I would look forward to my father coming by my room to give me my ‘special tuck in’.  He would come on my bed, hug me and remind me that daddy loves me; this made me feel very special.  I developed this loyalty for my father that I would eavesdrop on my mother’s conversations then tell him back.  Nobody could say nothing bad about my father because he was the apple of my eyes.

At the age of 12, I remember clearly my father came into my room one late night smelling of alcohol.  He came in my bed and started telling me how he loves me.  This time there was something different about the way he was behaving.  He was rubbing all over me and kissing on my neck.  I tried to stop him and he reminded me that he is my daddy and he would do nothing to hurt me.  He then kissed me on my mouth and placed his hand inside of my panty.  I cannot forget the words he said “my little princess is getting ready for me”.  I told him to stop and that I am going to tell mommy and he said I must remember that she will only get jealous of me and then left the room.  For the entire night, I cried because I did not like what my father did to me.  The morning I went to my mother and asked her if it was ok for fathers to kiss over their daughters’ necks (trying to give her a hint) and she just said I watch too much crazy movies. After that night the gifts got more and he started giving me money also.  He would still come and tuck me in but he didn’t repeat what he did so I was back to my normal self.

On Thursday February 14, 2013 (Valentine’s Day) my father came in my room with a basket of goodies which he said he bought for me.  I was so excited for them that I just started eating away.  He opened a bottle of liquor and said we were going to drink and have a good time.  The liquor was so nice that I drank the entire bottle and then the room started spinning and it was like I was in and out of consciousness.  I felt an excruciating pain inside my vagina, but I didn’t have the strength to cry out nor move.  When I forced my eyes opened, I know I saw my father on top of me pumping in and out.  I tried crying out, but he used his mouth to cover mine; even to this day I wonder if it was a bad dream because I could not believe that my daddy who I loved and adored was taking my virginity and having sex with me.  He told me that I should tell my mom that it was my period why I was bleeding.  He told me that he would kill all of us if I ever repeated what happened.

After that I got very resentful to my mother because I was thinking that it was her fault why my daddy raped me.  I would curse her out for nothing at all or just lock away to myself and my evil daddy would be there scolding me to respect my mother.  At nights I would sleep with my two sisters because I was afraid that he would trouble them also.  I started skipping classes because I was harboring a serious level of hate for people; I trusted no one.  I started feeling sick in my stomach every time, but I just thought it was the nightmare coming back.

On Monday, May 6 2013 I got the shock of my life.  I was in class when I passed out and I was taken to the nurse’s station.  She gave me smelling salt and I recovered.  She started asking me about how I was feeling prior to passing out and I told her that I was just really weak and dizzy.  She gave me some tea and told me to lay down until I felt better.  A few minutes afterwards, I felt really sick like my belly bottom was tearing out and the nurse said they need to get me to the hospital.  I was taken to the emergency room because I was getting very pale and weaker by the minute; I eventually passed out again.  Upon waking up I realized I was now on a bed getting drip and different persons were around me.  I saw my mother, father, the school nurse, a doctor and a policewoman.  It looked as though my mother was crying and my father was worried.  The doctor first introduced herself, then gave me the shocker that I was indeed 13 weeks pregnant.  I felt like every blood left my body, I was admitted for a week and the police came by everyday wanting to know who the father was because I was under aged.   I never told on my father, I just kept my silence.

I eventually told my mother what had been happening with my father and she went into a period of withdrawal.  She said she could not believe she ignored the signs, but yet she still stayed with that monster.  I was sent away overseas because my situation would cause shame to my ‘well respected family’.  I told my sisters what happened and begged them to stay away from the monster.

On Monday, September 9, 2013 I gave birth to my brother at the age of 13 years old.  I gave him my aunt’s surname as she was the one who adopted me and I could not afford to give him my surname which is also my father and his father’s name.  My mom and sisters came to visit me and spent some time with me.  My aunt took great care of me and my son/brother while I went back to school.  I was told that my father/baby daddy died tragically in 2015; now I can honestly tell my son/brother that his father died.   I wonder if that was his repayment for what he did to his own daughter.  I lived in years of torment, resentment and fear, but I got help and is slowly getting better.  It is like I cannot forget because every time I see my son/brother, I see that evil man I called my daddy.  I went on to college and am now a child counselor.

Mothers/Guardians, please make it your point of duty to look for signs of molestation in your children, talk to them about sex, and let them know all about speaking out about inappropriate behavior from relatives, friends or strangers, get them to trust you in telling everything and never put the need for fame, wealth or good name before your children.

 

Identity Withheld

 

The suicide note written by a 15-year old girl – Lessons for all family

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