I’m a 19-year-old female and my boyfriend is 22 years old. I didn’t lose my virginity until about six months ago so I don’t have much experience with penetrative sex. To be absolutely honest, it took me a long to get in the groove because the first few times were extremely painful. So now, whenever we have intercourse, I ask him to be more gentle because I can’t manage him being rough. I make sure to include other activities, such as oral sex, to ensure that he is satisfied, and he gets off every time we are together, so I never considered this an issue. He is complaining that it is full time that I get used to rough sex, and once he starts penetrating me, it’s like he is a wild beast and if I beg him to stop he goes even harder. This is a lot to endure given his large size, and I’m not going to lie, it’s really painful. I spend a lot of time making him happy in other ways but I think because he watches a lot of porn, it pushes him to believe that sex should always be hard, which irritates me because I’m doing my best in learning how to pleasure him. I love him but I am scared of having sex with him and I don’t know what to do.
Dear L.F.: It seems that your boyfriend has a porn addiction and believes that being rough is the right way to satisfy a woman. If he loves and respects you he would never try to hurt you. If he is unable to respect your boundaries, you should consider ending your relationship because there is a greater likelihood that he will push your boundaries further. You should never be pressured into doing something you don’t want to.