Dear McKoy: Lost Sexual Interest in My Wife Because of Her Weight Gain

Dear McKoy: My wife and I have been together for what feels like forever, and we’ve always had a great connection filled with love and respect. But lately, there’s been something on my mind. My wife has put on some weight over time, and I hate seeing it, especially when it comes to getting busy in the bedroom. I still care about her a lot, but I can’t shake this feeling of being turned off by her physical appearance, especially those extra rolls of fat, her stomach spilling over her pelvic area and her breasts just resting on top. I’m not trying to be shallow or judgmental here but it is what it is.

I know weight gain can happen for all sorts of reasons, and I’m trying to approach this with sensitivity and understanding. But every time I’ve tried to bring it up, she gets defensive and accuses me of “fat-shaming.” It’s putting a strain on our relationship, and I’m not sure what to do next. I want to be supportive and loving, but I also need to be honest about how I’m feeling. How can I get through this without making things worse? Any advice or insights from folks who’ve been in a similar situation would be helpful.

N. W.

Dear N.W: It’s great that you’re reaching out for advice on this sensitive issue with your partner’s weight gain. It’s clear you care deeply about her and want to handle this with sensitivity and respect.

Weight gain can be a sensitive topic, and it’s understandable that you’re struggling with how to approach it. It’s great that you recognize you’re not trying to be shallow or judgmental, and you’re approaching this with sensitivity and understanding.

Communication is key here, but it sounds like your attempts to bring up the issue have been met with defensiveness from her. It’s possible she is feeling hurt or insecure about her weight gain.

One approach could be to have a heart-to-heart conversation with her in a non-confrontational setting. Let her know that you love and care about her deeply, and that your concerns come from a place of wanting to support her health and well-being. Assure her that you’re not trying to shame her, but rather, you’re concerned about how her weight  is affecting your physical attraction and intimacy in the relationship.

Listen to her perspective and try to understand her feelings without judgment. It’s important to validate your emotions and reassure her that you’re there to work through this together as a couple.

Consider exploring healthy lifestyle changes together, such as cooking nutritious meals or finding fun ways to stay active. This can help shift the focus from weight to overall well-being and strengthen your bond.

Above all, remember that relationships require patience, understanding, and compromise. It may take time for both of you to navigate this issue, but with open communication and mutual respect, you can overcome this challenge together.

Take care, and best of luck in your relationship.

McKoy