Dear McKoy: I Fantasize about other Women when I’m Making Love to My Girlfriend

Dear McKoy: I hope this message finds you well. I’m reaching out to seek some advice regarding a situation that’s been weighing heavily on my mind lately.

I’m in a loving and supportive relationship with my woman, and overall, things between us are fantastic. We share a deep connection, and our sex life is satisfying for both of us. However, there’s one part of our intimacy that’s been causing me to worry.

The problem is every time my girlfriend and I have sex, my mind decides to take a little detour to fantasyland. And let me tell you, it’s one heck of a ride. I’m talking about fantasies involving anyone and everyone who’s ever caught my eye—whether it’s that hottie from work, an ex-flame who still sets my heart racing, or scenes straight out of the latest porn I’ve watched. Also, I sometimes find myself conjuring up all sorts of kinky scenarios when I’m alone and masturbating.

Here’s the thing, I’ve never felt guilty about these fantasies before. They’ve always felt like a natural part of my sexual experience, and I’ve never acted on them or allowed them to interfere with my relationship. However, there are moments when I question myself and wonder if there’s something inherently wrong with me for having these thoughts.

The biggest concern for me is the potential impact on my partner. I know that if she were aware of my fantasies, she would be devastated. I value our relationship deeply and would never want to hurt her or betray her trust in any way.

So, my question is this: Should I be feeling guilty about these fantasies? Do they constitute a form of emotional infidelity, even though I haven’t acted on them? And if so, how can I get through this internal conflict while maintaining the integrity of my relationship?

Any advice or insights you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

K.H. 

Dear K.H. – I want to give you props for opening up about your situation. It’s not easy to talk about personal stuff, so kudos to you for reaching out.

Now, let’s talk about what’s going on. It’s clear you care about your relationship with your partner and value the bond you share. But hey, it’s totally normal for your mind to wander, especially during intimate moments. Fantasizing is a natural part of human sexuality, and it’s okay to get lost in those thoughts.

You mentioned that you’ve never acted on these fantasies or let them get in the way of your relationship, which is important. As long as you’re committed to your partner and your actions show that, you shouldn’t feel guilty about what goes on in your head.

But I get it, you’re worried about how your partner might react if she found out. Honesty and communication are key here. If you think talking to her about your fantasies could bring you closer together, go for it. But if you think it might cause more harm than good, it’s okay to keep those thoughts to yourself.

At the end of the day, what matters most is that you both trust and respect each other. As long as your fantasies stay just that—fantasies—and you keep putting your partner’s feelings first, you’re not doing anything wrong.

Trust your gut, be kind to yourself, and remember, you’re not alone in figuring this out. Keep those lines of communication open with your partner, and you’ll work through this together.