Dear McKoy: Caught my Husband with My Best Friend

Dear McKoy: My husband and I have been married for one year, but we had been together for about four years. I’m in my early stage of pregnancy and our relationship seemed perfect until recently.

My best friend and her husband broke up a few months ago, and as a good friend, I made her my top priority. I didn’t want her to feel lonely, so I told her she could stay with us for a while. I didn’t think things would go this way. She was my best friend for over 10 years, I put all of my faith in her and she backstabbed me in the worst way possible.

I had my suspicions for a while now. I noticed the way he looks at her because she is always skimpily dressed. They were too comfortable with each other, always sitting close and always sharing jokes. After a while I felt as if I wasn’t her best friend anymore, he was. When I asked him about it he shut me down saying I was too jealous and that I should put more trust in the relationship.

My husband normally reaches home before I do and I usually get home sometime after 7 at night. But last Thursday, I was able to leave work early. When I got home the tv was playing loudly with no one watching. Seemed a bit odd but I brushed it off and went straight to our bedroom. I thought he would have been inside the room since he wasn’t in the living room or kitchen. So I decided to ask my friend if he came home.

As I got closer to the room she was staying in, I heard loud moaning and banging noises. I knew she didn’t have a man so right then and there my suspicions would be confirmed. I quietly opened the door and there they were, him banging away in a doggy-style position. They didn’t even notice I was there until I started screaming out his name. When they realize I was standing there, you could see the shock on both their faces. I couldn’t do anything but start crying. I ran straight back to my bedroom and bolted the door. I heard him outside begging me to forgive him.

She did end up leaving that same day and never spoken to her since then. As for my husband, we rarely speak. He is trying to convince me it’s the first time it happened, but I know better. I can’t seem to get that image of them together out of my head. I’m doing all I can to just keep existing, right now I’m holding on by a thread. I can’t even function properly at work. Any advice?

 

A. Smith.

 

Dear A: I am so sorry you have to go through this. It’s a terrible discovery and you will be in emotional pain for a long time. This is a terrible betrayal by two people you hold dearest in your life, and it will take some time for you to get over it and move on.

People can change, however, it is a long and difficult journey, and you are under no duty to stay and wait for it. Take your time deciding on what you want. Whatever decision you make will definitely affect your child.  If he is willing to admit what he has done and promises to change, you can consider marriage counseling. If he continues to say that it’s the first time it happened, then he doesn’t plan on changing. He needs to come clean before you decide whether you want to forgive him or not. Wish you the best. 

 

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