Mark Wignall: Politicians and Prostitutes

Politicians and Prostitutes: At age 18, in 1968, I met my first prostitute and in 1976, having lived through 1968, I met my first politician.

I believe that I am perfectly positioned, first as a person who was given, by my older friends, the sexual services of a woman whose good looks had long left her and who introduced me to learning terms like ‘situational impotence’, and sitting on a long bench at Comprehensive Health Clinic waiting on a injection to cure a particularly nasty dose of gonnorhea as realities in an early period of my life.

Second, that brief introduction to my disgusting sojourn with my first prostitute (were there more, Mark?) has perfectly positioned me to introduce you to the politician, a person who has a very high regard for a prostitute, especially in the fact that politicians and whores have similar objectives but vastly dissimilar marketing messages.

The politician wants your soul; the prostitute only wants a singular moment in your bodily functions. The politician wants you for the life of the vote, the prostitute only wants you to want her until the business arrangement is concluded.

Without knowing if the politician spent the night before bullshitting his wife and slinking off to ‘backroad’ to sample the sexual goodies, what I do know is that the politician’s honesty is worth just as much as a discarded gum wrapper while a prostitute’s promise is basically short-time or long-time.

Heaven cannot be delivered in a motel room with a discarded condom on the floor and disconnected passion in tight embrace with ones unhappiness. Leave that to the politician at his next speech.

It has long been said that prostitution is the world’s oldest profession but, I have always disagreed with that settled assumption. To my way of thinking, the most basic caveman needed a communicator and a community con man to carry the message of ‘community’ to most of the people. That would be the politician.

After that, in the range of trades of goods like textiles, spices, tools and medicines, the prostitute saw herself as the natural persona to hold those together who saw sexual intercourse as not just a coupling right and a deep male hunger but also a few humps with bumps sung to a transactional song.

The politician does not seek you out unless it is in the heat of an election campaign. The prostitute only finds you when you come on a hunt for bush. The politician hopes that you grow overheated at his message, his delivery and how he wallows in the voices praising him.

The prostitute takes hold of you and releases you from yourself. A little rum helps. Then, truly, who comes first wins. The prostitute, unlike the politician, is into making you feel good about yourself while the politician has invested much of his campaign in you seeing him as a good person.

For you, dear reader to fully appreciate the key difference between a politician and a prostitute, one is legal(the politician) and the other (the prostitute) has to fully utilize all of her surreptitious inventiveness to remain below the radar of the law and live within the limits of the discretion that  most cops allow for prostitutes.

The politician has the law on his side when his policy is messing up your life and making nation-building more difficult. He has nothing to sell you until the next elections when he is likely to send you, not to Comprehensive Health Clinic but recommending you to the nearest mental ward.

The prostitute only has one huff and two puffs to sell you. And in her honesty, she promises little, delivers much for some and allows yet others to try and come first and go home at last.

Which political party do you support? I know. Evenly split between the JLP and the PNP with one having a four-point edge. Which politician do you trust? I know. Hardly any.

And whether you were unfortunate enough to have had a not-dissimilar disgusting experience I had with a prostitute as a teen in 1968, I am going to assume that your trust meter shows more positives for prostitutes than politicians.

Good politicians exist and they neither go to bed early or stay up late. Most prostitutes I know are neither good nor bad. They have bills to pay and want to earn their way through going to bed early and working late.

Most politicians I know also know that many of their friends are taking more than they are giving. They may wish to consider changing professions and billing us only for short-time.

By Mark Wignall

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