Dear McKoy: My boyfriend and I have been together for a short while, but our relationship has escalated quickly. Recently, he brought up the subject of watching me in bed with another man and suggested a threesome. This idea has caused significant strain between us because he frequently dwells on it, while I’ve been clear about my lack of interest. While I’ve entertained alternatives, I’ve firmly stated that I don’t want to be intimate with another man. Despite this, he keeps circling back to the idea of me being intimate with someone else while involving him in some capacity.
He even proposed involving a friend of his, someone I briefly talked to in the past but never had any intimate relations with. What confuses me is that when we first got together, my boyfriend was relieved that I hadn’t been involved with this friend beyond kissing, claiming he couldn’t have dated me otherwise. Yet, he’s now considering scenarios involving this same friend. Initially, he suggested me being intimate with his friend, then just performing oral sex on him, and eventually, just having his friend watch us.
Given the complexity of the situation, I’ve suggested seeking professional help. It perplexes me why he’s fixated on this particular fantasy with me, especially when we often discuss marriage and starting a family. His extreme jealousy adds another layer of concern. He becomes furious if other men even glance at me, criticizing my choice of clothing and claiming my attire reveals too much. With this level of jealousy, I struggle to comprehend how he could entertain the idea of a threesome. I am very confused and could use some advice.
L. W.
Dear L.W.: In this situation, it’s important to communicate openly and set clear boundaries. Take time to figure out what you’re comfortable with in your relationship and stick to your decisions. Consider getting help from a professional like a therapist to understand your partner’s desires and address any issues together.
Think about whether your partner’s desires match your own values and future plans. If their interest in threesomes causes ongoing problems, it might be worth reconsidering your relationship compatibility. Address any jealousy problems your partner has, especially if they clash with their threesome suggestion.
If your partner’s jealousy persists, suggest they seek counseling to work through their insecurities. Remember to take time for yourself to reflect on your feelings and needs. You deserve a relationship where you feel safe and respected, so don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or professionals for support.
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