Dear McKoy: My girlfriend’s Passion in the Bedroom has Faded

Dear McKoy: So, I’ve been with my girlfriend for about two years now. I’m 40, and she’s 44. When we first got together, our sex life was off the charts – we were at it at least twice a week, no complaints. But lately, things have taken a turn. Over the past year, we’re lucky if we have sex once a month. And when I try to bring it up, she just brushes it off or comes up with excuses like she’s too tired or not feeling it.

I’ve tried talking to her about it several times, but it’s like hitting a brick wall. Recently, she even tried to tell me our sex life is normal, comparing it to her friends’ situations. But I can’t shake the feeling that something’s off. We both work full-time, and I’m always trying to be supportive of her schedule. But it’s hard not to feel rejected when I used to feel so wanted.

I really care about her, and we click in so many ways. I trust her completely, and I don’t think she’s cheating or anything. But I can’t help but feel like there’s more to this than meets the eye. I just want things to go back to how they were before.

I’d love some advice on how to handle this situation. It’s tough to bring up without sounding like I’m nagging, but I know we need to address it somehow. Any suggestions would be great.

O.B

Dear O. B.: It seems like you’re dealing with a tough situation regarding your sex life, and I appreciate you reaching out for advice. It’s normal to feel frustrated and uncertain when experiencing changes in intimacy, especially after having a strong connection in the past.

Communication is key here. While it’s great that you’ve tried talking to your girlfriend about your concerns, it seems like there might be some resistance on her end. Approach the conversation calmly and openly, expressing your feelings and desire to work together on finding a solution.

Listen to her perspective as well, as there may be reasons for the changes that you haven’t discussed yet. It’s possible that she might be experiencing premenopausal symptoms, which can affect libido and overall well-being. Creating a safe space for honest communication can help deepen your understanding of each other’s needs.

Consider focusing on building emotional intimacy outside of the bedroom too. Engaging in shared activities and meaningful conversations can strengthen your bond and enhance your relationship overall.

Remember, relationships require effort from both partners, and seeking outside help, like couples therapy, is okay if needed. Best of luck in finding resolution and restoring the intimacy you desire.

McKoy