Dear McKoy: I am a 19-year-old virgin and My boyfriend is 21. We’ve been going steady for nearly two years without sex. It seems he is getting really frustrated now because every time we try to have sex I get scared. He has tried to use his fingers a couple of times, but I am too scared and tense up. It hurts or feels uncomfortable so I push his hands away. When I am turned on, I really want to have sex, but when we are together I get really nervous. I have tried lube, but it just doesn’t seem to work. I am afraid I might lose him If I don’t brave up soon. What can I do?
Dear Davia: First of all, you shouldn’t force yourself or be in a rush to lose your virginity. This is a sacred part of you that you should cherish, and when it does happen, it should be memorable, with the right partner. If he is the right person he will understand and be gentle. It seems to me you’re both focused on penetration, and this is a big mistake. There are several methods to enjoy very exciting non-penetrative sex, and I recommend that you try them all first. You must educate him on how you prefer to be touched.. The objective should not be to lose your virginity, which will come naturally in time, but to simply enjoy giving and receiving pleasure.
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