Dear Mckoy: I’m a 35-year-old man, and my wife, who is 34, and I have been married for three years. We have a son who is almost two. Over the past year, our sex life has dwindled to nothing. I’ve tried talking to her about it multiple times, expressing how it makes me feel unwanted, unattractive, and lonely. Sometimes I have to even resort to paying for sex. It’s not something I enjoy doing but I do it to ease the tension.
A few months ago, I asked if we could aim for intimacy even just once a month, but she found that overwhelming. She says she feels no desire or enjoyment from sex and insists the issue is with her, not me. She said she is planning to see a specialist soon.
I have needs, and I don’t want to cheat on her, but I’m beginning to feel like I don’t have a choice. Her best friend seems to be interested in me, which is making things even more complicated.
Please advise on how I should approach this situation. Also, I’m open to consider any suggestions from your readers.
D.S
Dear D.S.: You seem to be going through a rough phase in your marriage. You will need to keep having open and honest communication with your wife, focus on how you feel without blaming her. Maybe suggest couples counseling to help you both communicate and reconnect. Try to understand any issues she might be dealing with and support her through them. Also, encourage her to see a doctor if there might be medical reasons behind her lack of desire.
Take care of yourself and set clear boundaries with her friend who’s showing interest in you. Getting involved with her will only create more problems in your marriage. Also, it’s not wise to pay for sexual favors, especially from random women. Be patient and understanding to create a supportive environment for both of you. If things don’t improve, you might need to discuss options like a trial separation or even divorce.
Every relationship is different, so approach this with kindness and a willingness to work together to find a solution. Good luck.
Mckoy
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