Rapper/singer and songwriter Tory Lanez recently sat down with Joe Budden to discuss a few very interesting things. He shared that he had his hair line restored in what appeared to be a very natural way. But he also spoke about a dating rule he employs. And I felt it would be one that would generate a lot of good dialogue. Lanez shared that he doesn’t like women asking him to buy things they can’t afford themselves.
He told Budden,
“When it comes to women, I have this line for women. When they’re like, ‘Can you buy me this?’ ‘Shorty, I thought you was up. You can’t buy yourself that?’ If you can’t buy yourself that, you can’t f*ck in my tax bracket. Period. If you can’t buy yourself a Gucci bag, you can’t f*ck me in my tax bracket. If that’s what we’re talking about. But luckily I’m a down to earth n*gga. If you come on some ‘I don’t give a f*ck about that Gucci bag. I’m not gon ask you for no Gucci bag. I’m not gon try you like that.’ But if you have the nerve to try me like I’m a trick and say give me this bag, Ima ask you, ‘Shorty, do you not have enough money to buy that bag? And if you don’t, don’t f*ck with me.”
I feel a few ways about this. Personally, I don’t know any women who ask men for lavish gifts. Then again, I don’t know any groupies. That is a different type of lifestyle. Groupies spend countless hours doing hair, applying makeup, and styling outfits that will hopefully attract a certain type of man. And more often than not, it works. And perhaps women who have invested this much on the front end want to see a return in the form of paid bills, vacations or at least a luxury bag. On the other side, rappers dedicate so much studio time to discussing their money and the experiences it can afford them that it shouldn’t really surprise them that the women they date want some of it. Many of them aren’t in long-term committed relationships. Often times the women they meet are groupies. And groupies have become accustomed to and expect a certain lifestyle. Rappers know this. They’re the ones who write songs about it. It’s an understood arrangement.
But there is something to be said about using someone without them feeling like they’re being used. Before he started riding this new wave, Kanye West offered up his philosophy on “using” that I’ve found particular helpful. “To use is necessary. And if you can’t be used, you’re useless.” It’s true. We’re all using one each other in one way or another. I think what Tory Lanez is saying is that he doesn’t want to feel like he’s being taken advantage of by women who get into “relationships” with him for the sole purpose of procuring designer bags and other material goods. Essentially, use me but don’t play me. And I get that. I don’t know anyone who wants to feel like they’re being played. And personally, I don’t like to introduce money as a central character in the early stages of a relationship. I’m protective of my own so I can understand a man feeling the same way about his.
This whole concept may be a problem for the rich and famous. Because I can’t recall asking a man I was dating for anything—let alone something I couldn’t buy myself. Gifts have generally come from the kindness of his heart. And furthermore, if and when the relationship becomes serious enough for money to be readily involved, I’m not going to ask for anything that leaves my man in some type of financial lurch.
Most of us can’t relate to asking the average man for Gucci bags. But my friend said it’s the same thing as asking a man to get your hair and nails done. There are some people who believe it is the man’s job to take care of that. And you know how it goes, more money, more…bills. If you’re the type of man to take care of hair and nails on a $50,000 salary perhaps you’d be the type of man to offer up a Gucci bag if you were a millionaire. Who knows?
I think what Tory Lanez is saying is that you shouldn’t expect it to the point that you would outright ask—presumably in the early stages of a relationship– because that makes him feel like he’s being swindled. He mentioned that if gifts never come up, he’ll never have to hit you with that line of his. But if you ask, he has something for you.
There were women who suggested that since men expect sex, they should also expect to pay for it in some way. Personally, I don’t understand that lifestyle. That sounds like sex work. In which case, the motives of either party should not be hidden. If my sole reason for sleeping with someone is to obtain material goods, then personally, I’m not going to do it. I’ll sleep with someone because I want to. A bag would just be a lil bonus. The type of women who choose to sleep with men for possessions, should make sure she has the bag in hand before she busts it open. Because just like tomorrow, Gucci is not promised.
What do you make of Tory Lanez’s philosophy on gifting?