Nikki Bella opens up about being raped twice as a teenager in her new memoir, “Incomparable.”
The former WWE star shares in the book, co-written by her twin sister Brie Bella, that she was first attacked at the age of 15 by a fellow student she “thought was a friend.”
“My virginity was stolen from me, without my consent,” she writes, according to Us Weekly. “I was raped, by a guy I thought was a friend, while I was passed out at a party. I’d had too many beers, and maybe some shots of hard alcohol, and I only woke up because my stomach hurt — I came to, and this guy was both on top of me and inside of me. I pushed him off and ran out of the room — he followed me down the hall and asked me if this meant we were now boyfriend/ girlfriend … I had never even seen a penis, yet I was no longer a virgin.”
Then, at age 16, she was raped again by a college-aged man whom she says drugged her, People reports.
“There is the horrible offense in the moment, and then the shame and blame that follow, and feel almost worse than the original pain,” she writes. “When something like this happens to you, you understand the blame-the-victim mentality, how easy it is to feel shame rather than anger, how easy it is to feel like you could have stopped it yourself.”
The 36-year-old says she blamed herself and in turn kept what happened a secret.
“And keeping that a secret and blaming myself, I started to lose my confidence,” she writes. “I started to disrespect myself. And then the relationships I got into at a young age, I let other people disrespect me and felt like, that’s okay, this is what I deserved.”
The “Total Bellas” star turned to therapy “on and off” to try to cope with her struggles, but wishes she had opened up about her past sooner to help her “let go.”
The #MeTooMovement and her platform as a WWE star helped her come to terms with speaking up.
“I feel like, if I’m having these younger women look up to me, maybe I can help them and have them not hold onto this as long as I did,” she says in the book. “It wasn’t until I was 28 and in a relationship where someone started to teach me how to respect myself. That’s how long I held on to things and felt I had no boundaries.”
Nikki began dating John Cena in 2012, but after a failed engagement, the couple split for good in April 2018.
The now mom-to-be, who is expecting her first child with fiancé Artem Chigvintsev, says she always admired Brie for setting boundaries and treating herself with “such respect.”
“How do I not have this?’” she says she’d ask herself. “And I knew why. But I held onto it for so long. When I look back at just decisions I made based off of it, I wish I could have heard my words now as a 36-year-old woman then, and be like, ‘You’re going to be okay.’”
Source: Page Six