Dear McKoy: In Love with Someone I Don’t Know

In Love with Someone I Don’t Know

Dear McKoy,

I am a 24-year-old successful black woman and in the past, I have had experience with some trifling black men. My experience with black men has led me to stop dating them. I have been cheated on, abused and mistreated.

Over the past year, I started dating a white male who has been nothing more than a gentleman and a great friend. We have never ever been sexual with each other as he said he would like to wait until we get married.

Two weeks ago he proposed to me and I said yes. Recently, I initiated to have a sexual encounter with him so we rented a hotel room after which he said he would not feel comfortable at the hotel and he would like to share something important with me.

He went to the bathroom and when he came back he was undressed, he turned around and to my surprise, he had a vagina. I was so shocked I ran out the hotel room and have not spoken in two weeks.

I need you to tell me what to do as I am in love with him even though I don’t know what he is really. Do you think I should look past this discrepancy and marry him? Or should I end the relationship? Tell me what would you do?


Response by Shena Carty: “Wow! This answers the question, why sex before marriage. You need to speak to him. You need to have the conversation. This is your life. I understand the shock but only a conversation can answer the questions you need answered. It’s best to make an informed decision, than a blind one.

Where there is love, there is hope and understanding. While it may end up that you may not go through with a wedding, you may be able to be best friends. Hey, you never know. Don’t allow your preconceived notions and society to possibly change your life without having the conversation.”

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