Over the last few years I’ve struggled with my sexuality. I cannot tell anybody in my family because they are very religious. I’m a pastor’s son, in fact. I have had sex with other men and enjoyed it, but right now I have a girlfriend just so nobody suspects anything. I feel like I’m suffocating. I just want to be myself but I would have nobody left if I ever came out of the closet. I don’t know what to do anymore. I secretly stare at men and wish I could have a boyfriend that I live with and be happy. Women are beautiful but they just aren’t my cup of tea.
You need to speak to a professional about these feelings. It is good to have somebody to confide in. At the same time, you need to be honest with your girlfriend and stop giving her false hope. If you are not interested, you just aren’t. Don’t force a connection.