Dear McKoy: Should I Forgive My Boyfriend for Cheating on Me with My Friend?

My high school friend who migrated to the United States recently came back after 8 years to stay with her mom who is our neighbor. She told me she was having marital problems and she wanted some time by herself.  At first, I was happy that she was back and I was willing to give her all the support she needed because we had always been very close. I started inviting her to my house very often and she gets along well with my boyfriend. However, one night my boyfriend was in the shower and I heard his phone ringing, I don’t normally answer his phone but when I look at it I saw his cousin’s name pop up on the screen, so I answered. The person on the other end said “babes where are you?”. I was shocked and ended the call immediately. Apparently, he saved her number under his cousin’s name. I recognized her voice, so I decided to check the messages between him and his “COUSIN”.  He doesn’t have a passcode on his phone because I have never invaded his privacy before. When I went in, I saw where they had been sexting each other and sending nude pics. I have since confronted him, he confessed that they have been having an affair and he is asking me to forgive him. I haven’t spoken to my friend since and I don’t want anything to do with her. Do you think I should give him a chance?




Dear Jennifer: It can be very distressing to find out that your partner has been unfaithful. It can be even worst if the two people closest to you are involved in the betrayal. You have already decided to cut ties with your female friend, your question now is to know whether you should give your boyfriend a chance. It is up to you to make this extremely important decision. After an affair, you are the only one who can determine what to do, and whatever you choose will not be easy. 

If he decides to end the affair and recommit to your relationship once you’ve established the truth, don’t rush to judgment.. Only after discussing and determining the reasons for the affair will you be ready to make a decision. You can, however, state that you’re willing to work with him to figure out what went wrong. You might find it helpful to speak with a Relationship Counsellor at this point, to help you figure out what to do next.


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