Dear McKoy: My husband and I have been together since we were in high school. I love him, enjoy his company and overall we have a good relationship. However, the sex is terrible, and it’s only getting worse. The sex was decent when we were younger, even though he would finish a little too soon. I’d say that in the last 5 years or so, sex has deteriorated to the point where I no longer desire to engage in it. It’s no foreplay, straight to the intercourse, and he finishes in under a minute every time and I’m not exaggerating or being dramatic.
I was in the mood last weekend and initiated sex. He kissed me for a few minutes, barely touching me anywhere, and he came before he was even halfway inside. He didn’t even apologize, or say let’s go again. He expects me to give him oral on a regular, but the number of times he’s gone down on me can be counted on one hand. I feel like a burden to him, and I know I’ll never be sexually pleased.
I’m having fantasies about having sex with random people. I would like to experience how it feels to be completely satisfied. I’m not going to cheat, and I’m not going to leave. He has a special place in my heart. However, something has to give. He’s gotten upset in the past when I’ve discussed toys; I believe he’s ashamed and feels threatened in some way. But I’m going to have to supplement since I can’t go on like this for much longer. What’s the best way for me to handle this?
Dear T.C: Communication, in my opinion, is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship. You should tell your husband that your sexual needs are not being met. If you don’t do this then you will rob him of the opportunity to improve, whether it’s in terms of stamina or by making a greater effort to please you in other ways. Also, I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that part of the reason things have deteriorated is due to your husband’s personal humiliation. If I believed I was unable to please my wife, I would be terribly embarrassed, and I would most likely dread sex… which, I believe, would just exacerbate the situation. So don’t be afraid to tell him how you feel, and both of you can work together to resolve this issue as soon as possible.
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