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Dear McKoy: My Girlfriend’s Libido is Too Low

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Dear McKoy: My Girlfriend’s Libido is Too Low:  As a woman, my s*x drive is very high. Aside from when I’m on my period or sick, I’m always game for some physical intimacy. I have a girlfriend and we have so many things in common. The only thing we don’t have in common is our sexual urges. She is fine with having s*x once every two weeks, but I’m constantly craving it. We talk about the fact that our s*x drives are different and we both know it’s true. She worries that she is not satisfying my needs, whereas I am constantly worried that I am putting an undue amount of pressure on her. But it’s not something that would ever cause us to break up. When I’m alone, I sometimes watch porn and masturbate. If I do it too often, I start to feel bad about looking at other n@ked girls. Besides talking about it honestly with her and meeting my own needs.  What else can we do to resolve this issue without making each other feel horrible about it?

 

D. James

 

Hi D:It’s hard when you feel so close to someone but not close enough to meet a basic need. It’s normal to feel upset that your s*x drives don’t match up. You know that this makes her feel uneasy, and you admit that it makes you feel like you’re putting too much pressure on her. At least you both understand that she won’t suddenly start craving s*x. So that means you will have to pleasure yourself when she is not available.

Why do you feel bad when you masturbate and watch porn? Have you asked her if it bothers her that you get s*xually excited when you look at other women? If she let you watch other women in porn or even watched it with you sometimes, it might make you feel more at ease. It’s still a part of your sexual life as a couple and something she understands. Explore possible solutions and desires to connect s*xually. What excites her? Because she needs s*x less doesn’t imply she doesn’t have fantasies. In a situation like this, the real danger is that you let this difference push you apart. But things don’t have to be like that. Even if talking and sharing don’t change your s*x drives, it can help you feel closer to each other.

 

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