Dear McKoy: My Best Friend’s Man Took Advantage Me – There is something that has been bugging me for six months now and I really don’t know how to deal with it. I have known my best friend since high school and ever since that time, we do almost everything together. She used to live with her parents but when she started dating her boyfriend, they didn’t approve because of his age (he is 35, she is 21), so she moved in with him two years ago.
I’ve been there many times, and sometimes my friends and I drink and chit-chat as we normally do. That night was no different, I had three or four drinks and then passed out on the couch. At three in the morning., her boyfriend was standing over me, it seemed as if he was very drunk. Some things happened without my consent, but I don’t want to go into too much detail. I told her the following morning and I can see she was very hurt. She broke up with him and went back to her parent’s house, but the relationship between us dwindled after that.
Recently she contacted me and told me she missed our friendship and wants us to start hanging out again. I missed her friendship too so I was happy when she said it. We started hanging out again but mostly going places. We never brought up the incident that tore us apart. Then she dropped the biggest bomb ever… she was pregnant with his child and she moved back in with him. Right now I feel so angry, disappointed, and hurt. She expects me to be happy about her pregnancy but it’s hard. How can I get past this when the man who took advantage of me is now the father of her child? She knows how I feel and ever since she told me I have been avoiding her. What do you think I should do?
Dear A. Mitchell: I am truly sorry that you had that experience. By reading your letter I sense that you don’t want to report this to the police, maybe because of the love you had for your “best friend”. Your so-called best friend decided to get back together with the man who took advantage of you and tried to work things out with him.
This is definitely NOT someone you would consider a friend. A friend should be there to support you while you recover from the trauma he created. She is a terrible friend and an even worse person since she enables an abuser who should be locked up. You owe her nothing at all, and you are not obligated to be there for her during her pregnancy when she couldn’t be there for you after her man had his way with you. If you want to heal, it’s best to cut ties with both of them.
Ask Dear McKoy