Dear McKoy: I am in a relationship with a man I love and adore. The problem is that, despite my ability to masturbate and reach climax, I have never had an orgasm with another person, whether from penetrative intercourse or otherwise. Since my boyfriend and I have been together, I have been faking orgasms when we have sex. I love how we are closely connected and I appreciate that he can go for hours. I guess he just wants to see me in that “trance” before he thinks I’m pleased. I don’t want to damage his ego by letting him know that he is unable to make me reach the big “O”. So, in order to make him happy and move things forward, I started to fake it. Now I’m tired of doing it and I wish I had been honest from the beginning. How do I tell him I have been faking all along?
Dear Maxine: Many women find themselves in similar situations. I understand your want to change, but it would be unwise to do so abruptly or make a hasty decision to tell him you had been faking. Instead, make a list of things you’d like your boyfriend to do in the bedroom and be brave enough to ask for something additional each time you’re together. You may best effect these slow changes by being very explicit in what you ask for, patiently leading him, and explaining to him that most women require direct clitoral stimulation in order to climax. Reward him every time he does anything well. Take the time to show him what makes you happy and how he should make love to you in general. He’ll enjoy it, and will become even more excited by genuine signs that you are highly aroused.