Dear McKoy: I Have to Drink to Make Love to My Husband

Dear McKoy: I have been married to my husband for the past 11 years.  In the beginning of our relationship before marriage, we were so much into each other; we could not have enough of each other.  We communicated our expectations (emotional, physical, mental, financial and importantly sexual) before entering into marriage.  My husband had a very sexy body, an adorable smile and a charming personality.

Our first 4 years of marriage was like a fairytale.  We were madly in love with each other and our bedroom was filled with love, passion and adventure.  God blessed us with a pair of twin girls.

In the 5th year, my husband got a promotion at his job and started making big money.  Money can really change a person as my husband started changing in front of mine eyes.  My husband who would only drink casually a glass of wine, started drinking profusely.   I reminded him of our communicated expectations and he promised to stop but it only got worse.

He started going out with his colleagues to parties and took on a ‘hype life’.  He sold his simple car and purchased a high profile BMW van.  With that type of lifestyle came the women and unwanted attention.  Our prayer life together dwindled as he had no time, our sex life started becoming like a schedule and it was no longer romantic.  I started becoming overwhelmed as I was the only one taking physical care of our twins and running our home; he was always busy at work or out with his colleagues.  This continued for like 3 years, but like a faithful wife, I did my wifely duties.

With all the drinking and partying, he slowly became unattractive both physically and emotionally.  The way he started speaking was such a turnoff and his once sexy body took an opposite turn.  My husband got very out of shape with an enormous belly.  I was trying to still be attracted to him, but it only got worse overtime.  I did not mind the scheduled sex now because I just wasn’t attracted to him.

His luck at his job turned and he got demoted.  All the friends dwindled and the fanciness died out, but his out of shape body remained.  At that time he started wanting back our family life but he got even more unattractive in my eyes.  I really love my husband, but I just could not be sexually attracted to him.  I even went away on a program for 1 year to be away from him, but I could not stand leaving my family.

I have come to realize that I love him, but I am not in love with him no more.  Whenever he desires any sexual activity, I have to use alcohol as my remedy to indulge with him.  Due to this, I am slowly becoming an alcoholic, which I know is dangerous.


Dear Miss: It is indeed sad reading your letter.  It is sad to know that ‘money’ changed your once happy marriage to where it is at now.  You are a good wife for staying with your husband despite the odds.

I am suggesting that you stop abusing yourself by drinking alcohol; you are only hurting yourself mentally and physically and you yourself will get out of shape by being an alcoholic.

It seems you really love your husband so please seek counseling together and join a gym together; working out together will bring back the spice and you will be helping him to get back in shape.  All the best.


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